Red One | Review | The Film Blog

★★

decry Red because his commercial cynicism seems somewhat disingenuous. Did you expect anything else? It’s Dwayne Johnson…at Christmas…with a sci-fi blaster. Captain America is his side kick. On the contrary, given the cynicism that fuels most Christmas movies these days, RedThe chronic disinterest in hiding the fact seems almost honorable. Almost. The criticism can only fall on deaf ears on the grounds that Red One is exactly the film it claims to be. It is Hobbs and Shaw with silver bells. Very competent soulless. That is, a costly evisceration of every ounce of heart that is supposed to beat in the Christmas message. The commercialized one, of course.

The director here is Jake Kasdan, whose work on the recent Jumanji the sequels should have announced more warmth and spirit. Alas, he works with a breathtaking and unoriginal script of Fast and Furious Regular Chris Morgan. Familiar themes and ideas are integrated into a narrative likely reorganized from the Hobbs and Shaw a sequel that never happened. This is, in every sense of the word, a Dwayne Johnson vehicle, built entirely around his typical blueprint. The result is Johnson on cruise control, uncontested and pushing his weakest work in years. He didn’t look like he was enjoying himself – few here are – and, if the rumors are to be believed, he wasn’t.

Johnson plays Callum Drift, commander-in-chief of the North Pole logistics and fortification team and right-hand man to JK Simmons’ Saint Nick – code name: Red One. Operation “Santa” has been taking shape since the good old days, with the idea here being that Santa is now working in tandem with a decidedly American military organization called MORA. They’re led by a completely wasted Lucy Liu and strongly hint at the film’s desire to create its own cinematic universe of modern myths. It also smells horribly Amazon – it’s an MGM production – with a strange obsession with Christmas logistics that completely misses the magic. Simmons’ Santa lifts weights, counts calories, and resides under a high-tech camouflaged dome in the Arctic. Arthur Christmas took a similar angle without feeling so capitalistic.

When a team of black ops villains, led by Kiernan Shipka’s Grýla, breaks through the dome and kidnaps Santa, MORA recruits Level 4 Naughty-lister Jack O’Malley (Chris Evans), the number one mercenary hacker at world, to help save Christmas. Even though we know Jack is a jerk – he literally steals a baby’s candy – he’s a disappointing father, so ready for a trip to the Nice List. Johnson will help him get there, albeit reluctantly. Maybe he has something to learn from Jack in return? One might expect this union to inspire friendly banter and humor, but it never comes. From opening to closing, Red One is a strangely unfunny film. It’s not that the jokes fall flat, they’re just not there.

Instead, the bulk is a series of combative encounters, first with giant snowmen on an Aruba beach, then in the lair of Kristofer Hivju’s Krampus. Hiviju, at least, brings a touch of style, bringing whiffs of camp to the role of villainous Santa Claus. More of this would have been welcome. Certainly, in the face of the excessive seriousness that would otherwise weigh down the film. It’s curious. No matter how many times Johnson or poker-faced Liu warn that Christmas is under threat, it never seems like a realistic or urgent threat. This may be due to the unusual decision taken to present Santa’s gifts as an unnecessary addition to the store-bought gifts that children receive from Mom and Dad. The young people of RedDid the world even notice if Santa hadn’t come? Praise to Amazon, eh.

Plus, with the violence too dark for smaller audiences and a tone too silly for mom and dad, it’s hard to know who to blame. Red is targeted. It’s not even funny. It’s not fun and it’s too clever to be stupid. In about ten years, AI will eliminate this stuff for half the budget. Can we be sure it hasn’t already happened? Excuse the cynicism, it’s contagious.

T.S.